niq’s soapbox

Like all intelligent people, I greatly dislike Christmas. It revolts me to see a whole nation refrain from music for weeks together in order that every man may rifle his neighbour’s pockets under cover of a ghastly general pretence of festivity. It is really an atrocious institution, this Christmas. We must be gluttonous because it is Christmas. We must be drunken because it is Christmas. We must be insincerely generous; we must buy things that nobody wants, and give them to people we don’t like; we must go to absurd entertainments that make even our little children satirical; we must writhe under venal officiousness from legions of freebooters, all because it is Christmas – that is, because the mass of the population, including the all-powerful middle-class tradesman, depends on a week of license and brigandage, waste and intemperance, to clear off its outstanding liabilities at the end of the year.

- George Bernard Shaw

As usual, our rail network is closing down for an extended period.  Apparently that’s to facilitate engineering works (OK, fairy nuff), and because there’s very little demand.

Yeah, right.

Perhaps the reason there’s no demand is that we’ve come to expect a shutdown, and plan around it?

Some years ago I incurred a large and unwelcome taxi fare because the buses (not trains - which I’d taken the trouble to check) were shut down on new years day, so I was stranded when I arrived at Plymouth station.  Since then, I’ve avoided any kind of travel beyond where I can comfortably walk or cycle over the silly season.

So there we have it.  You won’t get demand from me unless you provide a service.  I expect others could say the same.

Anyway, this year the meeja have started to complain about it.  So maybe, just possibly, something might change in future years.

Why is it that throughout December, perfectly normal everyday supermarkets and other food shops are crawling with so many more shoppers than at other times of year?

Do people eat three times as much in December (other than one day - and surely they can’t spend several weeks continually shopping for just that)?

Do people shop to store food for the entire year in December? Seems perverse to me, given that it’s not naturally a season of plenty.

Or do they pay a pilgrimmage to the shops, and just wander around crowding the place out?

I mean, I can understand that some shops - headed by toyshops - should do their best trade in December. But plain supermarkets??? I think I may have to bunker down and live out of frozen and long-life food for the next few weeks.

I have on my desk a letter from the Council, addressed to “The Owner/Occupier” of my address.  It tells me they have a planning application to erect four flats, at another address just across the road from me.  So that’ll take over the general disturbance to the area when the last lot are finally done.   I (and others who will be directly affected) can view the plans at the council’s offices, and have two weeks to comment.  The letter is dated December 18th, so two weeks give us until January 1st.

This is the second time I’ve had a notice of this kind in Tavistock.  And on both occasions, the two weeks consultation period have come in late december.  This time I’m not going anywhere for christmas, so I have the option of going to their offices and (if anyone concerned with planning can be found) demanding to see the plans.  OTOH if I want professional advice - for example from a lawyer or civil engineer - I’m going to be stuffed.  Many others will be away (as I was last time), or working at full stretch to entertain family and friends.

I said last time this happened that I wouldn’t want to suggest any sinister motive, but if someone wanted to subvert the planning process, this is exactly how I’d expect them to go about it.

But, two out of two?  If we just narrow the coincidence down to one week (actually it’s even closer), that gives us a probability of 1/(52*52), or less than 0.0004, of it being pure chance.

There’s a minor furore going on in the UK now about political correctness and christmas. There are stories floating around of people being forbidden christmas decorations in a workplace, or being required to call it something nonreligious like winter-festival. And, while noone can confirm that any of the stories are for real (the most plausible is a story from 1998 that the hang-em/flog-em press is recycling in new garb), everyone agrees it’s nonsense, and they blame that mythical beast, the radical secularist.

Perhaps someone is missing a point here. Noone is offended by christians and families celebrating their festival. But there’s another side to it. Consider a conversation with well-meaning friend (WMF):

WMF: What are you doing for christmas?

Me: Working

WMF: Oh no! Surely you can’t be working? Aren’t you going to see your family?

Me: That means a journey of an hour on the bus and five to six hours on the train, at the worst possible time of year to travel. I’d much rather visit them in January when the buses and trains are running normally, as indeed I did this year.

WMF: Oh, that’s so sad. Well, can we invite you to christmas dinner at least?

Me: No thank you [struggle for an excuse based on difficulty of travel again - aided by darkness, likelihood of bad weather, and lack of buses]

Anyone who has been the subject of, for example, sexual harrassment, will by now see my subtext here: just ****** well leave me alone! Yes, christmas can be horrible, not because I’ve any objection to other people celebrating, but because they won’t let me stay out of it.

I want peace and quiet, and a chance to get some work done. I have to spend most of my days working, and I value my free time. Christmas is far and away the worst possible time not to be working, because I simply won’t get that quality free time:

• As with all bank holidays, the Great Outdoors is crowded, and the people are more likely than at other times to be spoiling it with noise, litter, etc (because it’s a different demographic to the usual, and they’re out there for different reasons).
• It’s too dark, with only 8 hours/day daylight.
• People are under social pressure to have a good time. At the same time, there are no buses. So the roads are not only covered in holidaymakers; there are likely to be disproportionately many drunk drivers. Better to stay at home and work.
• It’s a good time to work - quieter than usual.

Now, if anyone really has been banning christmas, that’s daft: they’re addressing entirely the wrong problem. But the unthinking reaction “it’s good or at worst neutral for everyone” is wrong, too. In this season, avoiding well-meaning but unwanted situations is a real problem.

Perhaps banning decorations in an office really can save someone a lot of pressure to conform, or intolerance of their refusal to do so? But better of course would be to require explicit permission from management, who will of course not refuse a request. That way those who care can decorate by permission, while others are spared harrassment.

The Archbishop of York has attacked these alleged secularists. Taking the charitable view, he’s probably just insensitive and ignorant, and would happily slip into the WMF role of harrassing people like me himself.